I am desperately trying to be a participant in NaNoWriMo, the novel-in-a-month writing project, but I’m failing miserably. Either because: a) it’s really, really hard to write a whole novel in a month that also has meals and laundry in it, b) I’m about as much of a novelist as I am a professional […]
Time to Buy the Turkey
It’s time to start planning for another Thanksgiving. I know this, because at my grocery store, the featured meat case has turkeys in it and there is an archway of artificial autumn leaves at the cigarette/lottery ticket/customer service counter. (In Florida, it’s important to pay attention to these clues since we often forget what […]
Just Call It Mess-cara
Here’s why I don’t wear a lot of makeup, why I don’t deserve to be beautiful, and why I may stop all personal hygiene practices other than showering and brushing my teeth. I put on mascara the other day for the first time in about 25 years and it scratched my cornea and caused a […]
Slam, Bam, Thank You Mammogram
November is mammogram month for me and thousands of other women who procrastinate having this dreadlightful procedure done during October, National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. We can’t all get our mammograms done in one month. The long lines would be the last straw in a pile of complaints that we have about this test. […]
‘Tis the Season for Cinnamon Pinecones
I had some ideas for blogs today, some of them seasonal and relevant, but all my good ideas got wiped out when I went to Walmart and got punched in the face by the fake cinnamon pinecones. I’m only half kidding. I think I might have gotten a little bit of brain damage and […]
Now That’s What I Call a Real American Girl
I picked up the paper the other day and found out that there’s a homeless American Girl Doll. Not homeless as in hasn’t-been-sold-for-$95-yet-and-is-still-living-in-the-flagship-store-on-Michigan-Avenue-in-Chicago/Heaven. But as in her-back-story-is-that-she’s-a-homeless-girl-who-gets-made-fun-of-at-school. Not since JCPenney started using people in wheelchairs as models has a company gone so painfully far to be politically correct and sensitive. They say they want […]