I have been the Queen of Sleep forever. I am an expert at falling asleep, sleeping in uncomfortable places, not waking up during the night, falling back asleep quickly and efficiently if I do, and not snoring. (If my husband tells you I snore, he’s lying and should not be believed. He’s just jealous […]
I Left My Heart on Tony Bennett’s Nightstand
I would consider running away from home for Tony Bennett. I know, he’s in his 80s, but I don’t care. I would happily change his Depends if he would just sing to me at least once a day and say things like, “Hit it!” in that Tony Bennett voice of his. I have had […]
It’s a Wiener Dog’s Life
I don’t know if anyone else has noticed this, but dogs are ruling the earth. They’re pets, which are kind of like politically correct slaves, but think about it: We do everything for them, and they do nothing for us. (And before you say, “They do for us! They give us unconditional love, blah blah […]
La Leche: French for ‘It’s Not for Everybody’
This is a story about La Leche League, but don’t expect it to be all “go breast-feeders” or preachy at all about the benefits of breast-feeding. You would have to off-the-charts postpartum to argue that breast-feeding is not good for a baby. But it’s a complicated decision at a time when people should not […]
Fake Kidnapping But Only As a Last Resort
I was reading recently about the boy in Alabama who was so worried about what his parents would think of his report card that he faked his own kidnapping. He showed up at his grandparents’ house some time later, claiming to have escaped from the moving car of his kidnapper. Had to leave the […]
Blow Into This
Drinking and driving is not funny. At all. What’s funny is when people get stopped for DUI, because a) they’re already being stopped and they’re off the streets and everyone is safe now, so it’s OK to find humor in a previously scary situation and b) the excuses people give as to why they were […]