Remember when I was little? When the ultimate dream of a little girl was to grow up to be a stewardess? I never flew anywhere when I was growing up. We took a vacation once, but we drove, since it was to southern Ohio, a three-hour drive from home. I didn’t take my first […]
America Has Voted
Q Tips and Float Boats
I have some observations about old people in Florida. I just got back from there and it’s very true what they say: There are a lot of old people in Florida. There are so many old people that even the old people complain about the old people. If you’re 70, you complain about the 80-year-old “Q […]
Brace Yourself
I may get my braces off early. This is excellent news, since I’m starting to have fantasies about running my tongue over my front teeth without getting it snagged in a piece of metal, meeting someone who looks at my eyes instead of my mouth, and not scaring young children. I have dreams at […]
The Big Yellow Bus
I believe the bus driver told the sixth graders that if they continued to make meth in the back of the bus, they’d get detention. I was in line at one of Lexington’s notoriously long red lights one day this week, had finished buffing my nails, balancing my checkbook and knitting a Kleenex box […]
A Funny Business
As you probably already know, I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I still haven’t given up on my grade school dream of being a teacher, my junior high dream of being a librarian, and my high school dream of being Secretary of State (because I could wear cool […]