I recently made my last tuition payment for my last kid in the last college that will ever cause me to question my decision to procreate. (I’m just kidding.. I could never understand people saying they decided not to have more babies because they were worried about sending them to college. They should know that travel soccer, […]
Fat Crash Dummies Are Keeping It Real
I’m sure by now you’ve heard that they’re making crash dummies fat now. Those poor, expressionless, accident-prone saps used to be a healthy, sturdy, average size. But apparently real people didn’t stay the same kind of average, and the result was that the crash tests were meaningless. We didn’t need to know how best to […]
The Gold Rush That May or May Not Have Happened
Did the San Francisco Gold Rush really happen? Are you sure? Because I’m starting to wonder if I didn’t dream it. I know there are stories, but a recent encounter in Chinatown has me rethinking the validity of the events in California in 1849. If it really was as important an event as we’ve been […]
My Mom’s Childhood: Not a Broadway Musical
My mom spent part of her childhood in an orphanage, because she grew up in an era where the worst possible thing that could happen to you was something worse than having to share a bathroom with your sister. And according to her, growing up in an orphanage wasn’t the worst possible thing either. The […]
Fake Babies: Maybe Consider a New Hobby
I don’t get doll collectors. I get dolls. My hair-plug Thumbelina was my second best friend until I was 8. And I get collectors. My level of commitment with my middle school frog collection was impressive for a couple of weeks. But when you put these two sensible and innocuous things together you inevitably end up […]
Now I Will Admit to a Bunch of Stupid Stuff
I’m closing out the books on my little at-home writing business for this year and I can now honestly say that I make a living by being a doofus. I’m the kind of writer who gets paid to admit that she once accidentally gave her toddler a margarita (calm down perfect parents; did I not just say accidentally? […]