I picked up the paper the other day and found out that there’s a homeless American Girl Doll. Not homeless as in hasn’t-been-sold-for-$95-yet-and-is-still-living-in-the-flagship-store-on-Michigan-Avenue-in-Chicago/Heaven. But as in her-back-story-is-that-she’s-a-homeless-girl-who-gets-made-fun-of-at-school. Not since JCPenney started using people in wheelchairs as models has a company gone so painfully far to be politically correct and sensitive. They say they want […]
just humor me
Leave the Leaves
One disadvantage of living in south Florida is that we don’t have a single beautiful autumn leaf down here. Our palm fronds turn brown and fall off, but unlike the delicate leaves of the North, they tend to crash to the ground, taking downspouts with them, cracking flower pots, and hurting small pets. I […]
Andale, Andale, Speedy Gonzales
I got a speeding ticket this week, my only brush with the law since my last speeding ticket in 1997 – that’s 12 years. And yes, I know I told the cop that it had been “twenty fi-ou-uhhhhh years” since my last citation, but I was allowed to exaggerate because I was really upset. […]
A Not-So-Novel Idea
Here it is almost another November and I am probably not going to write a novel for the National Novel Writing Month contest.This defeatist attitude is something I’m very good at and the only thing on which I don’t procrastinate. The contest hasn’t even started and I’m already saying, “I can’t do it.” Why […]
Wedding Rites and Wrongs
My sister Pam and I were talking the other day about how cool it is that brides get to do whatever they want now. It wasn’t always this way, you young, blond, perfect-skinned newlyweds. Did you know that back in our day, we weren’t allowed to have the color black anywhere within the diocese […]
The Doctor is In
Yes, I’m writing about my annual physical – again. They don’t call it an annual physical for nothing, you know. It all went fine and I won’t creep […]