There’s a reason satin sheets are not on any list of annual anniversary gifts, lists that include everything on earth. Seriously, the lists include the predictable (crystal, gold, silver and other treasures of the earth like silverware), the weird (aluminum, willow, wool and “animals”), and the romantic (flowers, candy and heart-shaped candle holders from the Signals catalog). Nowhere on any anniversary gift list anywhere includes bedding that will maim your spouse and leave you with a handicapped parking pass.
Satin sheets seem like the ultimate romantic anniversary gift. But they are AWOL from the lists not only because those lists are ridiculous and antiquated and signs that we used to be terrible gift-givers who required ideas from strangers, but because satin sheets are dangerous hazards in the home. You might as well put “ammonia mixed with bleach” on your gift registry. Or more appropriately, “walking hand-in-hand down an ice-covered Slip-n-Slide on an Alp while wearing stilettos.” Satin sheets are assholes of static-hoarding slipperiness that want to kill you. [Read more…] about Satin Sheets: The Assholes of Bedding