If you’re trying to cut back on your drinking, you’ve come to the right place. I’m pretty much an expert on all the gimmicks invented for people who want to lay off the sauce. I’m not talking about quitting altogether; for that you have other, more experienced resources like AA, Saint Monica, and friends who aren’t Irish. I’m talking about reining in those “just a couple of glasses of wine” that turn into “I can’t find one of my shoes and, also, last night did I offer to host Thanksgiving in Key West? Because Facebook tells me that fourteen people have signed up so far.” Getting that back to “just a couple of glasses of wine” is the goal here.
The underlying mission is more specific. I belong to a growing mass of Americans who are learning that the effects of alcohol go beyond losing articles of clothing and overextending hostess events: Alcohol is starting to make us look and feel effing old.
I can’t be the only one who has looked in a full-length mirror in a well lit room and said, “Wait. This can’t be right. How did Great-Uncle Hank get in there?”
About six months ago, I began a Quixotic search for moderation. The Internet was kind enough to offer up tips and techniques, strategies, mantras and meditations, URLs for gross simulation videos showing what vodka does to your liver after only four appletinis, and pan-denominational prayers. I’ve kitchen-tested most of them with the exception of Sharia Law. [Read more…] about Tonight I Moderately Drink For . . . For Youth . . . Or Something