My relationship with my daughter was going really well. She had boomeranged back home six months prior. She was working, she wasn’t staying out too late or loud, and only one of my favorite necklaces had disappeared, having been last seen in the vicinity of her neck. We shopped together, went drinking together, and gave […]
Not Your Average New Year’s Resolutions
This is not going to be one of those blog posts where I declare that by Spring 2016 I’m going to look like Christie Brinkley, who by the way, what the hell? I mean, you can see signs that she’s not 25 anymore, but you have to look through a Helium Ion Microscope to do […]
A Letter to the Guy on the Dry Erase Board at the Container Store
Dear John, I don’t know you and you don’t know me, but I saw your note to Anne on the dry erase board at the Container Store and I’m concerned. What exactly is going on with you guys? I can only conclude by the first name basis that you and Anne are married or have […]
A Few Words About the Christmas Gifts I Mailed
I thought about writing little notes of explanation and tucking them in the boxes I was getting ready to mail. But the notes would have been on the back of Walgreens receipts for embarrassing products I recently purchased. Which wouldn’t have mattered because they were likely to get lost in the balled-up newspapers I used […]
Gifts for the Newborn Babe
Heads up to my family at this gift-giving time of year: The minute I get a grandchild, all of you will be lucky to get any presents from me. I’m planning to spend my entire gift budget on that baby. There might be a little bit left over for a couple of iTunes gift cards […]
You’ll Know It’s Over When It’s Boy Scout Cookie Time
I just read a story in the New York Times about five girls in California who want to join the Boy Scouts. They claim Girl Scouts are just too lame and tame. They want to spend less time selling cookies, whispering and giggling and more time camping, tying shit up, and lighting fires. These five […]